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Chat room etiquette

We're all lovely fluffy friendly people in the chatroom, and anyone with 0.028 kilograms of common sense probably needn't read on. But occasionally we're blessed with the presence of someone who was off sick the day they did Manners, and such folk tend to be mocked mercilessly (though usually they're too stupid to realise it). It's for those people that I offer the following advice.

Advicity the first
Pls dnt uz txt spk. It's not big and it's not clever. It conveys the message "I value your time so little that I'm going to make this ten times harder for you to read to save myself a few key presses." If you choose to show us that little respect you won't get much in return. The English language is redundant for a reason. If u spk lk ths, there's a good chance you are too.

Advicity the second
No one expects perfect punctuation in a chatroom, but at least use enough to render yourself comprehensible. Don't overdo it though - multiple exclamation marks are indicative of demonic possession, and we're not above the occasional exorcism. THE SAME GOES FOR SPEAKING IN CAPITALS.

Advicity the third
Be intelligent, witty and erudite. Or if you can't do that, don't try to dominate the conversation with inane blathering. If your communication skills peak at asking people how old they are until you get a sensible answer (see advicity the fifth), you'll find people switching you off quite quickly (see advicity the sixth).

Advicity the fourth
Advicity the fourth encapsulates advicities one to three and Oh So Much More. It goes like this: 'Observe local customs'. Or alternatively: 'When in Wome, act like a woman'. New people are very welcome, but you'll fit in much better if you observe the way we behave and follow suit. This, of course, is a fundamental social skill, which is why most of you won't need any of these advicities.

Advicity the fifth
Don't expect sensible conversation. Our collective intellect is so gargantuan that it can often seem to outsiders as though we're spouting a load of old toot. It seems like that to us sometimes, too.

Advicity the sixth
Don't be offended if people seem to be ignoring you - it's probably because they are. You can filter out comments from anyone you find boring, obnoxious or otherwise offensive, so if you ask someone a question and they don't reply, it might be because they've switched you off (though it might be that they're not actually here). If a lot of people seem to be ignoring you, it probably means you've disregarded these advicities. That's your cue to quietly leave and seek out some digital haven where boring, obnoxious people are welcome.

That's a lot of advicities, but don't let it put you off - we really are very friendly! If the above all seemed like common sense, chances are you'll fit in just great. Join us!